no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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