neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
