Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
