my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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