but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
