i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Randomize
