Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
