i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
