Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
