I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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