remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
