i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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