I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
