were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
