I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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