If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
