Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
