i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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