hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
