Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
