i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
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He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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