Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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