which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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