He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
