the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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