U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
