i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
