Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
