We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
