He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
