I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
