man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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