i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
