I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
