wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
