Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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