Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
