her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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