her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
