Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
