There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
