My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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