Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
