She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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