Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
