i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
