Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
