I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
