If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
