I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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