The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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