Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
