my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
it was like eating out sand paper
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
