Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
