she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
