dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
my being single is dangerous.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
