I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
