a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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