I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I have fence marks all over my body
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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