Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
