it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
