Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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