he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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