Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
