do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
