Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
What a dumb baby whore.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
