Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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