so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
