Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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