Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
