why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
My bed is full of blood and feathers
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
